"Hero Awards" Winning Story(Part-1)
Okay, now remember three months ago when a Hero award contest banned me from winning and peed on the whole idea of making me the Czar of Swedan. Last month the Hero Awards graciously offered me tickets to go see someone else win the award that I was robbed of.... (%$#@*&^&**!@). Which is both..mildly insulting (in fact highly insulting)and also kind of brilliant emotional shock. I salute you, Hero Awards. Which is why I thought, unfortunately I’m not going to be able to make it to the Hero Awards because the committee is now refusing to respond to me. Our actual emails from last month beginning with their email to me goes as below:
Hi Harry a.k.a. Czar of Crappiness,
We would like to offer you 2 tickets to the Hero Awards ceremony on June 10 in Stockholm city, capital of Sweden. We would encourage you to attend the same for mutual benefit. Please let us know if you are able to attend. We look forward to meeting you in person.
Sincerely,
The Hero Awards Team
My response:
Hmmm…it actually does sound tempting.
Regards,
H..., Super Important Government Authority
(G.S is German Shephard dog which is famous for ripping head off if somebody messes with her. Here is the photo of my G.S.
This is the only decent pic i own of G.S. Later, i did not even try to take a camera near her as she stabbed the earlier one and broke down to pieces. Anyways, later on..)
Their response:
This could be a problem. Our executive director and producer are completely bald.
~ The Hero Awards Team
My response:
Ooh, okie, that really "is" a problem.
Also, G.S. seems really hesitant to leave U.S so instead I’m thinking would it be possible your whole crew to come to U.S to host the ceremony. My parents have a horse I can borrow and he would like to roam places. So I am thinking of getting him to the ceremony as well. It’s a small horse but he can’t really sit so I will need to be in the handicapped row so that he can stand. Unless your executive shit of people are also allergic to horses. Then I’m going to assume you are just kidding with me. Also, you didn’t answer my question about the guns. How many guns can we bring?
PS. The horse is weak and cannot walk up stairs. Do I need to bring my own ramps or will they be provided?
That was 1 month ago and so far, no response. Because the Hero Awards hate horse. Who else hates horses? No one. Everyone loves horses. Even Gandhiji loved horses. Probably. The point is that the Hero Awards are obviously rough hearted robots and try to enslave the world. and probably haven’t been taught how to love horses yet. Nice try, robots. I would never go to your award show.
PS. I just want to clarify that G.S. is actually fine with bald people. I was just trying to find out if they respect my demands. Dammmm it they don't..I guess..
UPDATED: In the interest of history I googled “Did Gandhi had horse?” and found no record of Gandhi ever having a horse. Which is probably why he had to walk everywhere to free India. Lack of horses. Poor Gandhi.. I pity him... Also, he was possibly smoking weed. According to Google suggestions.
Hi Harry a.k.a. Czar of Crappiness,
We would like to offer you 2 tickets to the Hero Awards ceremony on June 10 in Stockholm city, capital of Sweden. We would encourage you to attend the same for mutual benefit. Please let us know if you are able to attend. We look forward to meeting you in person.
Sincerely,
The Hero Awards Team
My response:
Hmmm…it actually does sound tempting.
Can I bring my House Owner, G.S., as my date? Would she have to bring her own litter box or would you be providing one? Also, she has little problem with bald people. So it’s very important that we not be seated near any or she will totally fcuk them up. Seriously. I haven’t seen it personally but I’ve heard many stories. I assume she probably got kicked by a bald person. It would be better if you just pass out wigs at the door or it would be ideal if you could ban any bald people altogether. Also G.S. must be accompanied by her gang. They don’t need seats though. They can just stand in the back. And also, what type of weapons are legal to carry in Swedan. My team usually use rifles and we don’t have a lot of time to re-train them if they need to bring less obvious weapons to the ceremony. Sorry to be such a pain. We can even get snipers for our security.
Regards,
H..., Super Important Government Authority
(G.S is German Shephard dog which is famous for ripping head off if somebody messes with her. Here is the photo of my G.S.
This is the only decent pic i own of G.S. Later, i did not even try to take a camera near her as she stabbed the earlier one and broke down to pieces. Anyways, later on..)
Their response:
This could be a problem. Our executive director and producer are completely bald.
~ The Hero Awards Team
My response:
Ooh, okie, that really "is" a problem.
Also, G.S. seems really hesitant to leave U.S so instead I’m thinking would it be possible your whole crew to come to U.S to host the ceremony. My parents have a horse I can borrow and he would like to roam places. So I am thinking of getting him to the ceremony as well. It’s a small horse but he can’t really sit so I will need to be in the handicapped row so that he can stand. Unless your executive shit of people are also allergic to horses. Then I’m going to assume you are just kidding with me. Also, you didn’t answer my question about the guns. How many guns can we bring?
PS. The horse is weak and cannot walk up stairs. Do I need to bring my own ramps or will they be provided?
That was 1 month ago and so far, no response. Because the Hero Awards hate horse. Who else hates horses? No one. Everyone loves horses. Even Gandhiji loved horses. Probably. The point is that the Hero Awards are obviously rough hearted robots and try to enslave the world. and probably haven’t been taught how to love horses yet. Nice try, robots. I would never go to your award show.
PS. I just want to clarify that G.S. is actually fine with bald people. I was just trying to find out if they respect my demands. Dammmm it they don't..I guess..
UPDATED: In the interest of history I googled “Did Gandhi had horse?” and found no record of Gandhi ever having a horse. Which is probably why he had to walk everywhere to free India. Lack of horses. Poor Gandhi.. I pity him... Also, he was possibly smoking weed. According to Google suggestions.
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